is wrong with me...i need to get it together...this has been my thought since sunday...my emotions have been all over the place...mostly not on the up side...just feeling down and worn out...and to think back to a week ago when i was feeling so strong and ready to take on the world...to feel like a small pea is no good...so i'm thinking it's just me being me...and i will get over it soon...so i take a deep breath and go swimming...
am practice...pretty busy as usual...but today is funny...the gate to the pool is locked...so people just hop the fence..ha! very secure...then joe puts a chair on either side of the fence so us shorties can get over...it felt so highschool...anyway...ended up being a bunch of people in the lane i was in...michelle and charles me ralph and another girl that i didn't know...i mean i have seen her two or three times in the pool but don't know her name and i am not sure she is doing the tri training...since i have only seen her in the pool...doing some swimming and this girl keeps touching my toes...i mean usually this is no big deal...happens all the time...but today it was really getting to me...like over reacting getting to me...so the next set i let her go ahead...and was irked...
then i have a conversation with my self "calm down, overly emotional...blah blah" then ralph is hitting my toes...so i'm flustered again...and just get in the back of the line...i felt better then...then the other girl tells ralph to go ahead of her...she says as an aside to me...he is always bumping me...makes me feel better...that she wasn't doing it to me to be mean and i'm not the only one that is bugged by it...i know it was a lot of talking to my self...did a lot of long distance stuff...and had a generally good swim...
started reading harry potter from the beginning...i'm almost done with book 1...it makes me happy...
pm spin...what a mess...it started out just fine...core workout...i am getting better at staying in plank for minutes at a time...that is nice...but i was just not all that talkative with my teammates...usually it is fun...today again i was really inside my own head...got on the bike...and was having a bit of trouble getting the resistance right...
i was borrowing someones trainer because all the T3 trainers were taken...yikes...anyway...so the whole warm-up i was on and off the bike trying to get it to stop slipping...but not be too hard since i couldn't get my cadence over 80...ended up having to get mo to adjust it...and you know i swear he made it so hard...err...so i am working hard...really hard...my legs are on fire and it is the first set...holy cow...it's going to be a long practice...i adjust the tension again...and just try to stick it out...i am one less on the gear and 5 under on the cadence...and just can't get it right...all the while getting more emotional...ught...i see jeremiah adjust his tension and i am thinking maybe it is not just me...
on the rest phase of the first set jeremiah turns around...i look at him and say i've got nothing...he smiles...like...thank god it's not just me...ok cool...i feel a little better and just struggle through the rest of the workout...i am really trying to get my cadence above 80 it's just not happening...i finish...and i am glad to be done...
while doing a little yoga stretching...jeremiah comes over and says i have been all over the place emotionally...and i just loose it...tears and everything...so i'm not crazy...it is so nice to know that i am not crazy...i get it back together a little...and head out...then one of my teammates asks if i'm ok....and i just loose it again...and get a pep talk from nancy, michelle and katy...a lot of good advice...and just encouragement...like it's ok to sleep in one day...treat yourself you have been working hard...you are going to be fine...it happens...everyone gets this way...thanks guys...i needed that...see this is why i love being on a team...there are people there who have been through it...and people who are going through it too...it is that support that is totally priceless
4 comments:
jess, what you are doing is amazing. i'm constantly awed by it, and for what it's worth (selfishly speaking, of course)- i'm glad to see that you ARE human! you'll get through this and be well on your way to kicking ass at IMAZ. ;)
"You will have bad patches [in the race; in your trianing], those will pass. You will have good patches [in your race; in your training] ... those too will pass!
Are you getting enough sleep? As a foodie I suspect your nutrition-as-fuel is good? Non-optimal sleep and fuel throws off my mood.
Yes, everyone gets this way, recognize it, control it, move on from it.
You're doing great, will do great, are working hard, have recognized a change, you'll overcome it! :)
Jess, have you stopped and sat down and looked at the chances that that you actually might BE crazy? It's not like many of us haven't suspected...
We love you girl hang in there.
thanks guys...sometimes a little help from friends is needed :)
@ed :P
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